Crawling back out of a deep dark hole, little by little
I kept being in denial for another 4 months until in June 2013 I completely broke down. I fell down in a deep dark hole and cried for almost 3 days straight, I didn’t want this life anymore, or well, I can’t call it a life, it was pure and utter hell. I wanted out, at first I didn’t think there was a way out and really dark thoughts developed inside my head. But somehow after those first 3 days, I found some strength deep inside myself and told myself that I would fight with everything I had, I would stand up against this eating disorder until it went away, because after 7 years I just had enough of it. I got myself together and started a long, hard battle. At first it was really hard, I had to get out of the comfort zone that my eating disorder had become for me, but I pushed myself every single day to challenge myself to do things I was afraid of.
Light at the end of the tunnel
Little by little, battle after battle, I slowly started to rise above my eating disorder. I made some really hard decisions in my life, inspired by some drastic decisions my mother took (she quit her job and decided to go study bodystressrelease in south Africa, she followed her dreams, and so could I) and I started living by my own standards instead of living my life to please others. I got to know myself, I got to know what I really wanted in life and went for it. I quit my medicine studies after 4 years for example, to go for my dream and study psychology. I realized that this is MY life and it’s the only one I’ll ever get, I might as well live it in a way that makes me happy. Slowly, the vibrant little child that I once was 12 years ago, came back again. I was alive again.