#FitGirlConfession: My past fear of carbs
You know that moment you finally stay true to your training and diet and you're really strict? You get a sense of accomplishment when you start seeing results and feeling better. I had that for more than a half year. The problem was, I was too strict that it became a lifestyle. I was stuck….
My past fear of carbs
The first of January 2012 I started living a carb-free diet and didn't drink alcohol for 50 days. At the same time I had a training schedule of 3 visits to the gym every week. To control what I was eating, I had an application that counted my carbs. I was not allowed to have more than 20 grams a day, so I even had to count my carbs with vegetables. I started my day with a breakfast of eggs or vegetable soup, prepped my lunch, and had chicken/fish/meat with salad or veggies for dinner.
If the body doesn’t get carbs it will use the extra fat your body has stored, as energy. This state is called ketose.
This diet is not recommended to be followed for more than two weeks, and after this point you can start incorporating carbs into your diet again. I continued this for half a year. I felt so good losing weight and feeling that I was in contol, that I kept this diet up and aimed to make it a lifestyle. The problem is, one day your body fat percentage will get as low as an athlete's, and then what do you do? I started eating more and more cheese and fatty meats to stop the fat loss. I had to eat at least two whole chicken breasts and big chunks of cheese (which I both love) to get my calories in combination with my sport schedule. But this could not last.
To follow the diet, I was not allowed to eat any kinds of fruit, yogurts, bread, pasta, rice and other sugars. I became sort of afraid of them! My mind began to see them as instant fat makers. I also couldn't buy anything from the grocery stores anymore because everything contained added sugars or other ingredients that could not be included in my diet. Can you imagine? All these basic foods that everyone ate -- as supposed to -- and I couldn't. I couldn't go anywhere. I couldn't eat out anywhere. I even became afraid of going outside at a certain point.
Then came the moment when my family and friends started to notice I was getting really thin. There came a time when the scale pointed at 46KG and I looked like a 12 year-old boy with abs. This also made me a social outcast; I was afraid to go to my friends' place, parties, dinners or even just to visit someone because of the social pressure to eat or drink. It was a scary, dark and lonely period in my life.
It was time for a change
I wanted my life, family and friends back. I was so tired of being afraid. So I made a schedule, but this time it was one was to get fit, strong, happy and healthy: both mentally and physically. I had to start with small changes, so I started with an apple a day. I had to get used to the idea of eating fruit and sugars again. I had to teach myself that it wasn’t as scary as I made myself think it would be. After two weeks, I ate bananas, apples and nuts. I also made a promise that I wouldn't say no to a party or an invitation to have lunch or diner -- and that’s actually how I met my boyfriend. We were at the gym and he invited me to go to Bagels&Beans. I was so happy and afraid at the same time! I didn’t want to eat bread, but he was so cute and I couldn't refuse. It was the first time I had eaten bread in 6 months and I'm still soooo happy that I did.
I started exercising again ( I quit for a little while ) and choose bodybalance, yoga or just a lightweight training program. Before I knew it, I ate whole oats, beans, quinoa and chickpeas because these seemed like the less scary carbs to consume. Step by step I gained my life, courage and self-esteem back, together with my appetite for all the good stuff in life (like my fresh french baguette, sushi and chocolate :D).
Our Ambassador, Guy, inspired me to tell this story. He’s so right about the fact that eating disorders are so common these days. I wanted to share my story because I am still struggling with questions like: what is clean eating? What is healthy? Is healthy also unhealthy? How do I listen to my body? I thought there might be more girls in our #FITGIRLCODE community who have the same questions.
Through this experience, I learned to not forbid myself from any kinds of food, but to balance my intake. I also stopped looking at apps and calculators because machines can never ever know how you feel and what you need. Everybody is different, and sometimes I want a salad with chicken, other times it will be banana bread, and if I need my after-party cure I will get that döner kebab to recover. I am so happy and grateful that I can enjoy all the good things in life again! :)
Love for food, life, sports and togetherness have made me as strong and happy as I am now.
